May 22, 2010 – Like biblical locusts, the heathen minion from AF descend upon a dusty plateau in southeast SD, bringing speakers and cables and various other electronic necessities to Total Combat Paintball for Union Day. There was action early on as players hustled for a chance to put their names on one of the thirty coveted cards – cards that, being blank and without any formal instruction, encouraged the more intrepid of players to scrawl strange monikers on the white canvas (seriously, though, what the **** is a “Stimpy?”).
In on-going effort to minimize cost and maximize fun, a child’s beach bucket, purportedly stolen, served as the mystic receptacle for the aforementioned amateur calling cards; previous plans for a gold-plated ball caddy were nixed due to a demonic phantom known as “the economy.” In short order, and with minimal fuss, names were drawn and the crowed was divided in to six teams.
Games were fast-paced; PSP mode was the flavor of the day, with the steady cadence interrupted, intermittently, by those who proved utterly incompetent at getting their board unlocked and out of the factory settings. The heavy-hitters from Dye, Eclipse, and Bob Long were all represented, albeit all too often in the hands of those who can substitute skill with money. Once the workings of the iPod were figured out, Bouncing Souls and Face to Face issued forth. Live commentary from the fifty was handled by a seemingly infinite supply of juvenile delinquents, and what they lacked in literary prose was balanced by their, um, youthful humor..?
[SinglePic not found]Rumor has it that Team 1 was the overall winner at the end of the day. Detailed and accurate record keeping is not always high on the list of priorities; as such, it’s somewhat unclear who exactly was on Team 1. Never mind – nothing distracts the crowd from the deterioration of organization like the hyped promotion of an impromptu one-on-one grudge match; it’s not important that the contenders know why they must battle, only that one will eventually shoot the other.
At this point the author departed from the scene, drove into the sunset, missed a turn, and toured the newer parts of Otay Ranch before escaping into oblivion.
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